I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
