I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
