we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Everything about him screamed your future.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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