Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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