The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize