Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
