he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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