i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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