I'm jealous of your bromance
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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