It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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