I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
