well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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