Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
