hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
