New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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