I think I won the penis lottery.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
