I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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