dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
