I could have mohawked her pubes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
