so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
