Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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