I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize