Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
