I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
