Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
