Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
