There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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