Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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