Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize