I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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