Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This is classic penis vs brain.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
