Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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