Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
