How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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