they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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