Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
