i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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