..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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