When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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