Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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