I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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