His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
