i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
