At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
there is glitter all over my balls
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
