I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
