Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Even my vagina gasped.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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