If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
