I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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