Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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