Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
