just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
