I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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