Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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