last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
