If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
