We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
