I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
