You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
