Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
