I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
