oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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