I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
