so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
