so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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