Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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