she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
