if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
