I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
