True but thats because hes a fetus.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
