i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
