he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
