It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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