Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
