if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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