I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We need to rekindle our bromance
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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