fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize