i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
