I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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