I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
