Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im holly from the hills drunk
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize