You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
