she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
