the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Randomize
