Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
my liver is dry heaving
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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