I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
