yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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