fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
