It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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