my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
