The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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