so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
