So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
