It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My feet surprised me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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