apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize